overbox | General voice test

General voice test

-1-

[Congratulations, smart person. Your application to work at the Tesladyne institute has been processed. All that remains is the interview with the institute's founder, the intelligent robot known as Atomic Robo. Robo is by far the most unusual thing in the office, which is otherwise utterly mundane. You've never seen a robot wearing a t-shirt.]

Glad you could make it, take a seat.

-2-

[Downtown is being trashed by a sixty foot tarantula that is spitting green fireballs]

I can think of five reasons why that can't possibly exist off the top of my head.

[Despite the physical impossibility of it, it just ate a mail-man. Robo slumps his shoulders.]

There are guns in the truck.

-3-

[You're both on the way to a mission in the depths of the Amazon Rain Forest, on a helicopter. Robo takes you aside at one point on the trip.]

Listen, we're going to be going into enemy territory for this one, so you'll need to be prepared.

[As you contemplate how you THOUGHT you were going to check out some vine covered ruins that had risen out of the ground mysteriously, Robo leads you to a large crate in the back labeled "Bug repellent". He flips the latch and the top pops open to reveal that the crate is full of guns.]

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[Athrun stares into the crate.]

This is your idea of bug repellent?

Have you SEEN the kinds of bugs they get down there? Centipedes as long as your arm!

Right. Yours are the big ones, I'll bet.

[The fact that the woman in question probably would have trouble lifting them makes them Robo's by default. It's okay, she's got a tasteful number with a bullpup and minimal weight. But it might have some trouble with sixty-foot anythings.]

...If that's the case, then wouldn't a machete be more practical?

If they get THAT close to you, you've already lost.

Can't you do that singing thing instead?

[The one that ALSO is physically impossible.]

I could, but that would mean no gun for me. And I like guns!

Glad to be here!

[Is this a little green man? It just might be. It takes him a while to walk over to the chair and get into it-he's only a meter tall. Not as much of that is head as it looks in pictures, but he's still got a proportionally over-sized noggin. Selective pressure must be different where he comes from.]

Gotta say, it is an honor to be considered for this job.

[Rummaging around the back of the truck.]

Let's see, that one, and that one...oh! Can't forget the lightning cannon.

Okay take this guy. It's not very accurate, but against something that big it shouldn't really matter.

[The little gun has a bright red crystal stuck in it instead of a magazine. They found the crystals in Peru, along with a crashed UFO, back in the 80s, and had never been able to figure out any use for them other than shooting bolts of destructive energy.]

Well, we take all types, Dr. Kerman, so long as their heart belongs to science.

Now it says here your specialty is rocket science, and that you built a functional space ship out of scrap metal, along with a whole pile of NON-functional space ships.

[She takes it with a bit of trepidation. She's seen these before, done the reading.]

Don't these backfire sometimes? I'm pretty sure that even if the health plan covers cosmetic surgery, getting my face completely redone won't be much fun.

That barely happens anymore since Peterson's redesign.

[He didn't want to say it outloud, but it was the only gun with enough stopping power to potentially be useful here that was also relatively lightweight.]

Glad to hear it, glad to hear it. And you can call me Jeb, I don't like to stand on the PhD.

Well, it's the price of trial and error isn't it? A functional spaceship, you don't learn much from. And when you simulate something, you're at the mercy of your computer model. That said, I think I've learned a lot of lessons about aerodynamic pressures, launch windows and rocket engines from my designs, failed and successful alike. Right now I'm working on a new engine design, but I'll bet that's in there to.

Barely. Well that's encoruaging.

[She takes it anyway, and a spare crystal in case this one starts acting up. God, let's hope Doctor Dinosaur doesn't get his hands on these.]

Anything else?

Try blasting its legs off. I'll distract it.

It...isn't, actually. But I've always felt chemical rockets can only take us so far. Tell me about your new engine.

Edited 2015-03-04 08:00 (UTC)

Right.

[And with that, she takes off down the street to find a better firing position.]

Well. As you're probably aware, one of the big obstacles in space flight is the amount of fuel and oxidizer you need to get into orbit. Back in the 70s, they looked into putting jet engines on the space shuttle to cut back on it's oxidizer needs, but the added weight cut into payload too much.

But why bring along separate jet engines? Jets, rockets, the difference between them is actually pretty thin. Well, actually it's pretty significant, but I'm working on a rocket that will use the atmosphere for it's own oxygen supply up to about Mach 5.5. It might have a thrust to weight ratio as high as 14 if all the tricks I'm planning to use work out. Single stage to orbit capable. It's not a space elevator, but getting out to orbit is halfway to anywhere you want to go.

[Robo takes off in the same direction. When they get close enough, he leaps thirty feet into the air and towards the spider, firing at it with a machine gun in each hand]

HEY EIGHT EYES! HERE COMES THE GIANT ROLLED UP NEWSPAPER OF SCIENCE!

[Well, he said he was going to distract it.]

[ All right, Elise, you've made it this far. Your PhD is faked, and in fact written entirely in purple glitter pen, but you've made it as far as an interview.

AND LOOK! That is a real, live giant talking walking robot!

...Well, kind of live. Animated? Thinking? What's the cut-off for "living" anyway?

No, concentrate. Don't be distracted by how awesome the Atomic Robo is. ]

I'm glad to be here. You're so awesome.

[ ....Nailed it. ]

Hm, you'll have to send me the specs for that later. If you can actually get that to work... Tangent.

Tell me, what are thoughts on vampires?

[Hmm, normally the rabid fans don't make it this far.]

Yyyyes, well, we'll just see if you'll fit in here.

Just to start, your recommendations are all glowing but I'm not...actually sure what you are a doctor OF. Could you elaborate on that?

[You know what we should have seen coming? The 60 foot spider having webs to spray at the distraction. Jacqli is just gonna swear as she points a gun at the thing, aiming for a joint close to the body that won't move as much...]

Come on, hold still...

We're not talking Bela Lugosi and his ilk I take it? Don't have much of a personal opinion. Am I likely to have one if I work here?

[ Well, Elise is hardly your average rabid fan. ]

Well, I'm, erm, a doctor of... applied anthropology. [ Archeology, in other words. Which she actually does know about - she just doesn't have any actual degrees. ]

[ Aaaand now the rabid fan comes out. ]

You deal a lot with ancient cultures, antiquated technology, and historical artifacts, don't you? I've read all your papers! [ All of them. ]

It's definitely within the realm of possibility.

[Atomic Robo is plastered to the side of a building by sticky gray goop.]

Oh come on! Spiders can't SHOOT silk at people! Oh god this feels so gross

[He'll probably get free soon enough, but for now it was just between Jacqli and the tarantula.]

Well. I certainly wouldn't want to have my blood sucked. Better keep a jetpack close at hand then.

High pressure nozzles in the spinnerets...

[Jacqli suddenly drops her shot and takes a potshot at the tip of the abdomen, hitting shell instead of delicate organs she was aiming for. Or at least she would have if the giant tarantula hadn't lifted it's rear at just the right moment to take that in the highly delicate web spinning organs.

Spider silk literally explodes everywhere when the spinnerets rupture, as the creature screams in pain and spits fireballs at everything. And the gun does not explode, thankfully.]

And what about stealth? Isn't that important?

I'm a robot and I weigh a quarter ton. Stealth really isn't my idiom.

Anyways we're not really expecting armed guards or anything. Just bugs and jaguars.

[A fireball hits Robo directly, setting him aflame. Fortunately, it also set the spider silk on fire. Before the tarantula could close on its attacker, a flaming robot descended from the heavens and landed on its head, knocking it off balance.

Then, Robo bounced and landed in a heap on the street.]

Ow.

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