General voice test

[justthehardway]

-1-

[At the front desk. The following is delivered in a monotone]

Hello and welcome to the Piltover Police Department. Sheriff Caitlyn is out right now on business and has left me to hold down the fort and not cause any trouble. How can I help you today?

-2-

[Vi just got a long dressing down from the chief of police (or some other authority feature) for the excessive property damage she tends to cause while in pursuit of wrong doers. Vi's response:]

Oh hey, hang on a tic I just added an upgrade that is perfect for this situation.

[She pushes a button on the right powerfist, then extends her middle finger in authority's general direction. After a few seconds, the finger starts shooting fireworks.]

-3-

[Hot pursuit! You broke the law, and now Vi has you cornered, at least for a few seconds.]

Is this the part where you resist arrest? PLEASE tell me it's the part where you resist arrest. That's my favorite part!

Comments

3

[sewerskewer]

You stay back! I know my rights!

[Twitch waves his crossbow around as menacingly as he can manage. He doesn't even know how this happened. Breaking and entering's a victimless crime, right?]

[justthehardway]

[Totally victimless except for the victim.]

Yeah, they keep talking to me about those. "Vi, you can't beat up criminals just because they smell bad! Vi, stop punching holes in buildings. Blah blah blah" and so on. I generally just tune them out.

[sewerskewer]

[If anybody is the victim here, it's him. Nobody should have to stand for this blatant discrimination.]

Put those hands on me and you'll come out looking like a nice cheese!

[He means he is going to fill her full of holes. That is the joke.]

[justthehardway]

Ding ding ding! There it is! You're resisting!

[Vi leaps at Twitch, one fist cocked back to punch.]

[sewerskewer]

Police brutality!

[Twitch isn't the freshest apple on the tree, but he knows when to book it. Vi's lunge just barely whiffs as he starts to scramble away on all fours, trying to disappear behind the corner of one of Piltover's many sidestreets. ]

[justthehardway]

Is my middle name!

[The Hextech gauntlet smashes the ground where Twitch had been standing, sending out a network of cracks in every direction.]

Hey! Come back here! It was just starting to get fun!

2

[6billioncreditwoman]

[Shepard takes a step to the side of the path of the fireworks, staying behind her desk.]

Cute, Vi. Real cute. You're still missing the point of the whole serve and protect thing.

[justthehardway]

Wait hold that thought it's not done.

[After another second or two, a tinny recording of the national anthem kicks in.]

THERE we go...

[6billioncreditwoman]

Why do you even--

[She shakes her head.]

That's not important. Gun, badge, gauntlets, on this desk until you can behave like a cop.

[justthehardway]

Ahaha, good one!

[Her extremely childish display finished, Vi plants both fists on Shepard's desk and leans forwards.]

We both know you need me out there. I might step on some toes sometimes but I get results.

Or do you want to tell me you're NOT relieved that half of Aria's goons are behind bars right now?

[6billioncreditwoman]

I'd be a lot more relieved if you hadn't caused more damage bringing them in than they did actually committing crimes. Results matter, but methods matter too.

[justthehardway]

Isn't that what we have insurance for?

[6billioncreditwoman]

You think this is about money? It's about you putting the people we're trying to protect in danger.

[justthehardway]

I haven't killed any civilians! There was that one guy who got a broken arm but he never pressed charges!

...And I guess there was the bus full of children, but most of them thought it was the coolest thing that had ever happened to them. And that taxi cab driver, but the doctors said he wouldn't even have a limp. And the...Whatever point is I've never caused any SERIOUS trouble, right?

[6billioncreditwoman]

Vi, I'm gonna be honest here. You're a good cop, but you're goddamn manslaughter waiting to happen. Shape up, or go home.

1

[stop_cannontime]

[Hooray, free time! Jayce uses it to head down to the precinct and chew the fat. Only instead...]

...Uh-oh. What did you break this time?

[justthehardway]

You know that big statue of some old dead dude with a sword outside Baron Ramcliffe's mansion?

[stop_cannontime]

...Forget desk duty, it's a miracle you weren't fired for that.

[Okay, Jayce knows that's an exaggeration. The police know as well as anybody that Vi would probably just return to vigilantism if they let her go.]

Let me guess, they're making you pay for the damages, too?

[justthehardway]

Tch. No. We have insurance for a reason.

But I gotta write him a formal apology. And its gotta be a GOOD one. Cait gave me one of those looks that promised serious hell later if I half ass this one.

[stop_cannontime]

...Ouch.

[Vi, writing a good formal apology? Jayce can see that happening at about the same time Ezreal stops calling in favors.]

I'll tell you what -- I've got loads of free time for a change today, so I can take a look at it when you're done and polish it up for you. Assuming you'd like the help, that is.

[justthehardway]

That...would actually probably be a good idea. Thanks.

[Jayce can see several crumbled up pieces of paper on the front desk. One has just enough of legible paper sticking out to see "Dear Buttface," written. She's obviously having trouble taking this seriously.]

[stop_cannontime]

[Upon closer inspection...]

You haven't been trying very hard, have you?

[justthehardway]

It's just a stupid statue! They can make a new one if they liked it that much!

[stop_cannontime]

You're really letting this get to you.

[He's actually pretty surprised by this.]

[justthehardway]

Not really. It's just annoying.

2

[suppordle]

[And now here is some clapping (how did she get here) but to her, Vi is doing something awesome with her big hands.]

Do it again, do it again!

[justthehardway]

[Oh god not again.]

Hey! How'd you get back in here!?

[suppordle]

[yes again.]

The door? You got a lot of doors around here, ya know.